Living Like you Were Dying

Living Like You Were Dying
Week 4; Day 5 Friday

As we come to the end of this 30-day journey we conclude with some thoughts from a young man whose life, even at only twenty years, resonates with the source of our study.

Michael Simon believes that the song, “Live Like You Were Dying” is sort of a theme song for him. “I grab life by the horns and don’t let go- seizing the day and squeezing the life out of it for all its worth. Because my mother’s nine-year battle with breast cancer, I don’t really take time for granted. I don’t leave questions unasked and don’t hesitate to express love in any form.”

Here is a young man who lived for the last nine years considering each day in the company of his mother to be his last. Three things he brings up here are significant conclusions for our study.

1. Make the most of every moment. It may be the last.

As we have seen, time is a precious commodity. Michael realizes that and spends it wisely and passionately. He is acutely aware of time passing, and each new day he has with his mother is a blessing. And this has been going on for nine years! His example gives a realistic picture of what living like you were dying can actually do for you. It puts you in a state of suspended animation that forces you to not take anything for granted but to be thankful in all things. It is like a “time alert” that steps up all areas of alertness.

Jesus spoke of this mindset in Mark 13:33 when he said of his return: “Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come.” He is telling us to live each day as if it were our last.

2. Live with no regrets- no unfinished business.

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phillipians 3:13-14)

Michael doesn’t look back. What has happened has happened. He is more concerned with discovering the “what now’s” of the present and the future than he is the “why’s” of the past. He doesn’t leave anything unasked, and I have a feeling he’s not waiting around for the answer, either. Answers come to those who seek. Michael has no regrets because he knows everything that happens, happens for a reason, and his life is all about wrestling those reasons out of his experiences.

3. Love with urgency.

Michael doesn’t hesitate to express love in any form. I would take this to mean that he shares his love for his mom in words, in deeds, in remembering what is important to her, in sending her notes and reminders of his love, in listening when she needs to talk, and being silent when the last thing she needs is someone giving her advice. Maybe he takes her to places she loves where she can do what she loves to do.

And here’s the final word and it’s very important. Michael lives this way in relation to his mother, but everyone else in his life gets the benefit, because this intensity spills over into all of his other relationships and responsibilities as well. Because of her, he takes nothing for granted. Can you say the same?

1. What have you learned as a result of this study? How would you like to live differently as a result of these last thirty days?

2. As we conclude this study, ask God to put you on a time alert- to view life in slow motion so as to appreciate every moment for what it is.

3. Commit yourself to continuing to meet with your group or even one other person weekly to remind each other to live like you were dying. It’s only as you actually face this possibility together that you can benefit from its perspective.

Making Peace

Making Peace
Week 4; Day4 Thursday

Funeral and memorial services are tough on family members. At a loved one’s death, we rejoice in the hope of heaven, but we also feel our own mortality more than ever. We wonder if we had sufficiently said our peace. Have grudges been resolved and disappointments been forgiven? Could we have done something to shave the distance that still existed between us? A helplessness sets in as the end nears.

But there is also a warm, enveloping blanket of God’s grace over this all. We feel our own mortality, see someone else’s, and yet somehow there is an ability to accept, as the Serenity Prayer has it, “what we cannot change.”

The only regret we may have is: Why didn’t we come to this realization sooner? Why do we have to be near the end before we can let go? We apply God’s grace and forgiveness at the end because we don’t have a choice; we need to learn how to do this while we do have a choice.

Forgiveness is about letting go. Those who don’t forgive are the ones who find themselves mired in their own hostility and blame, headed toward becoming the very thing they hate. We think we are setting the other person free by forgiving, but we are really doing ourselves the biggest favor. Forgiveness becomes for us a sigh of relief- a newfound freedom.

The Serenity Prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr, and popularized through Alcoholics Anonymous movement, is a fitting prayer for living like you were dying.

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Part of what we cannot change is what others have done to us. Part of what we can change is to forgive them and release them from our judgment. It takes courage, but we have to forgive in order to be at peace with others and ourselves. We can forgive. We can let it go. And the sooner we do this, the better. Don’t wait until someone’s deathbed, or your own.

Many people do not realize that the Serenity Prayer doesn’t end there. The rest of the prayer may not be as well known as the first four lines, but it is well suited for our study.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

If I surrender to his will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

This is the essence of forgiveness: surrender of our expectations, our rights, and our pride to God’s will; giving him control in our lives and trusting that he has our best in mind in all circumstances. Some of you are trapped in the hold of a particularly helpless form of unforgiveness, because the person you are unwilling to forgive is no longer alive. You can’t find peace, because you can’t go to them, nor can they release you. But God can release you, in fact, he already has. All that remains is for you to believe him and let it go. So let it go, and step into the freedom of God’s forgiveness, both for you and for the person you need to forgive. It’s your choice now.

The Power of Forgiveness

The Power of Forgiveness
Week 4; Day3 Wednesday

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

These familiar words of Christ were uttered from the cross about the people who were in the act of crucifying him on false charges. It’s hard to imagine a more demanding circumstance for forgiveness to be offered. It is the ultimate example of forgiveness, and it was extended to us in that we all participated in his death via our sins. It is a high standard indeed that Christ set.

A current expression of unusual forgiveness from a human standpoint was set in motion on April 16, 2007, when a twenty-three-year-old Virginia tech student coldly and methodically took the lives of thirty-two of his classmates before turning the gun on himself and ending his own lonely, tragic life. As the events were reported and interpreted, conflicting opinions surfaced about how many died that day. Was it thirty-two, or thirty-three? Those who say thirty-two refuse to place any value on the life of someone who would do such a thing. He was an animal or demon- short of being human- and unworthy of being given the same value as the lives he took. Those who say thirty-three saw the shooter as a person with value as well, a deeply disturbed person with no friends but still created in the image of God.

The difference between these views has huge implications on forgiveness. An alumnus of Virginia Tech reported it was clear that those who planned an on-campus memorial to the victims intended to mourn the death of thirty-three people by putting out as many stones in memory of each life.

“Memorabilia was left at each stone for the respective persons,” he wrote, “even the shooter. So many artifacts were left at each stone that most of it has been moved inside. There was a table for each of those killed including Seung-Hui Cho, the shooter. On his table one item that touched me was a simple 3x5 card with the words ‘I forgive you’ on it and no signature- almost as if God had left it there for him. His table was full of as many artifacts as anyone, most of which reflected this feeling of forgiveness.”

This is an extraordinary inclusion. Those who advocate such quick forgiveness must know that the alternative is to seethe with anger, resentment, and bitterness that can eat away at a person’s insides and render one incapable of kindness or grace. To refuse to give forgiveness is to become, yourself, a victim of another’s crime. Those who refuse to forgive the shooter are perpetuating the control of his act over them. By forgiving, you take away that person’s power over you. You turn things back over to God and trust Him for justice to be done more wisely than you or I could ever determine it. There is no healing of wrongs done to us apart from forgiveness.

If Christ can forgive all of us for crucifying him with our sins, what crime is so great that we can’t forgive someone who has sinned against us (a sin already forgiven by the cross)?
“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32 NLT).

Why Not Forgive?

Why Not Forgive?
Week 4; Day2 Tuesday

What do we think we are gaining by not forgiving someone? Have you ever thought about that? Being unforgiving is something of which we are not very conscious; it’s a natural human reaction to being hurt. That’s probably because, if we actually thought through what we were doing, we would see how useless it is. However, today let’s think about it.

The main reason we withhold forgiveness is most often a desire for justice, which isn’t entirely wrong. Justice is good and right, but not in our hands. Only God can judge fairly and impartially. Yet someone needs to pay for wrongs done, and we think that by not forgiving someone we are evening the score. If someone has hurt us, we believe our refusal to forgive is a way of hurting that person back- letting the offender know just how serious an offense they have committed. We might even think we are giving God a helping hand with justice. To forgive would be to “let them off the hook,” when what we really want to do is inflict upon them something of the pain they have caused us.

But think a little further about this. What do we actually accomplish by refusing to forgive? Usually not what we seek. Payment extracted is rarely equal to the crime. We damage ourselves far more in this process than we do anyone else. We think we are making a big impact by not forgiving someone when, in fact, we are only carrying on our own private vendetta in our heads. Hold a grudge and so what? Everyone’s lives move on- everyone, that is except our own. That is how it goes when we deny forgiveness: we try to punish someone, but in reality, we are the ones who remain in prison.

If justice is the big deal (and it is) we are not good disseminators of it. Here’s what the Bible says about this: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:17-19).

Justice will be done, but not by our hand. In fact, we don’t want to have anything to do with this business, because if we do, we are placing ourselves under God’s judgment as well.
Which do you want for yourself: God’s justice, or God’s mercy? I can’t think, given the choice, why anyone in his right mind would choose God’s justice; and yet, when we judge someone else, that is what we are doing. We are announcing to God that we are choosing justice over mercy. On the other hand, if we want mercy, then it is what we must give. We can’t have it both ways. We can’t have mercy for ourselves, and justice for all the people we don’t like. So “as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

No Record of Wrongs

No Record of Wrongs
Week 4; Day1 Monday

“ . . .and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying.” Those seven words from the song “Live Like You Were Dying” are definitely worth pondering. What causes us to deny forgiveness?

Revenge. When you have been hurt deeply, the natural human response is to want the person who hurt you to go through an equal amount of suffering. Even the Old Testament law calls for an eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. It is an equal and fair form of justice, but God’s grace works on a different basis entirely. Grace refuses to seek revenge and it forgives. Jesus modeled this for us. 1 Peter 2:23 (NLT) says, “He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.”

God knows that if all of us were to receive just payment for our sins that would be the end of the human race, so he has forgiven everyone and asks us to do the same. It’s a remarkable turn of events but it’s the only way there will be any healing or restoration in broken relationships.

Another reason we might deny forgiveness is that we want to hang on to our hurt because it has become our identity, a ready excuse, a smoke screen that blots out other problems we don’t want to face. Consider the beggar in John 5:6 who had been sitting by the healing pool for thirty-seven years when Jesus came up to him and asked him if he wanted to get well. He didn’t exactly say a hearty “Yes!” Instead he went into his well-worn excuse- his catch-22 that no one was there to lift him into the pool- and skirted the question entirely. Some of us have been so identified with our anger and bitterness that we are afraid to let go and forgive. How differently we would live if we refused to use our hurt to gain attention and sympathy.

Or perhaps we deny forgiveness because we have never believed in our own forgiveness. True forgiveness begins there. If we can’t forgive ourselves, we are going to find it impossible to forgive anyone else. Judgment and blame of others always grows out of unresolved guilt. Forgive yourself first by accepting your forgiveness from God, and then offer that forgiveness to others.

One of the definitions of love in 1 Corinthians 13:5 is that “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” It’s that simple. Ask God to give you short-term memory loss when it comes to people who have wronged you. It’s the only way to break the cycle of retribution that causes wars in our relationships. Start by receiving you own forgiveness from God. Then settle the issue once and for all against those who have harmed you by forgiving them first in your heart and then, if possible, to their face. Stop being a scorekeeper and throw away your scorecard. An unforgiving heart is an unnecessary tragedy that only hurts the one who possesses it. You have precious little time left. Just let it go.