Say It

Say It
Week 2; Day 5 Friday

My wife and I were in a meeting with the head of a new tutoring program for our son, along with a supervisor and his tutor who is twenty something with long black hair and pretty dark eyes. She has taken up a new job on the side as a clothing store manager and significantly upgraded her appearance from when our son started the program. Today, coming straight from work, she was nothing short of stunning.

Our meeting began like a standard business meeting. We all ignored the elephant in the room, which was the woman’s sheer beauty, until my wife, never at a loss for words, turned to her and blurted out in the middle of a sentence about something else, “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how absolutely beautiful you are.” The tutor flushed while the other two women appeared flustered for a moment, and then the meeting continued on as before yet with a sense of genuine value that had trumped lesser thoughts.

As the truth always does, my wife’s acknowledgment cut through whatever inappropriate thoughts or games were going on right then in our minds. My temptation to see my son’s tutor as anything other than someone beautiful God created, the other two men’s probable jealousy, not to mention my wife’s struggle in that same area, all dissipated into sheer appreciation of the truth. It was no big deal. It was just my wife speaking sweeter.

You and I have the power to change someone’s life. We can acknowledge the beauty that is there or pull out the beauty that is hidden- the beauty of soul and character where only God looks. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7). We can find the beauty where there is old age, sadness, deformity, or just plain run of the mill drabness. We have the power to make someone better with our words or lesser without them.

My wife’s comment was not out of character for her. She does this all the time. It is her gift to encourage and lift up others and I have noticed that people love to be around her as result. She does this unselfishly, and I marvel at how a person’s sense of who they are can blossom around this kind of verbal affirmation. With so much wearing and tearing down in the world, we could all use more lifting up.

The writer of Hebrews says “ But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13). We are challenged to encourage “today” because when you think about it that is really all we have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is unknown. God spoke the world into existence. That’s how powerful words are. If the same God is telling you to say something, you’d better say it. And don’t wait. You may not get a chance tomorrow.

1. Think about a time when someone encouraged you by something they said. How did it make you feel? Knowing that, seek to encourage someone every day this week.
2. If someone were to follow you around this week, which would describe you more- critical or complimentary? Gracious or grumpy? Building up or tearing down?
3. Write down what God is telling you to say to someone, and say it.

On-the-Spot Praying

On-the-Spot-Praying
Week 2; Day 4 Thursday

One of the most powerful ways we can “speak sweeter” is praying not only for people but with them. There is nothing quite like the gentle strength of a person praying over you.

Have you ever had someone stop everything and pray for you? You were talking with them on the phone or standing in a parking lot having a conversation and that person sensed something in your voice that said you were particularly worried or stressed, so he or she put a hand on your shoulder and said, “Would you mind if I prayed for you right now?” Suddenly you felt the tension go out of your body, you were flooded with warmth, and the words from that person’s mouth flowed out like cool water over your thirsty soul. “May I pray for you?” may be some of the sweetest words to come out of someone’s mouth. It’s not only the prayer; it’s the fact that someone cares enough to notice a need and do something about it.

Some Christians have been known to say this to perfect strangers when sensing someone in great distress. Few people, regardless of their beliefs, will turn down prayer especially in a time of need.

We need to be quicker on the draw when it comes to praying for each other. We need to get more in the habit of praying on the spot for people instead of saying we will pray for them at some time in the future. The latter is a statement of intention, and we all know what can happen to our best intentions. Pray on the spot, because otherwise you might forget; and pray on the spot, because of what your verbal prayer can do for someone in and of itself. If you’re on the Internet, type your prayer out and send it.

My mother touched hundreds of people’s lives from her breakfast room. She was what some people call a “prayer warrior” and she had a team of other warriors she would call up in severe cases. People would call her and she would always pray for them over the phone. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who came forward at her memorial service to remember what those prayers meant to them.

Prayer becomes more essential the nearer we come to the end. Here’s what Peter said about it: “The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray” (I Peter 4:7). Of all the things he could have said given that the end is near, prayer seems the least likely. Yet it is the first thing he mentions. And notice he doesn’t say to pray, but to be continually in a state of mind where you are ready to pray. When you are ready to pray, you are more likely to be on the spot with your prayers. When you’re ready to pray, you’ll find there are people who need it all around you.

1. Make a list of people you would like to pray for and begin to look for an opportunity to pray for them in person.
2. It’s hard to speak ill of someone or gossip about them when you are praying for them. Is there anyone in your life for whom prayer would sweeten the way you speak about them?
3. Read Ephesians 1:14-19 which is a prayer by the Apostle Paul. Notice how different his prayer is than our prayers. Make a list of things he prays for and start praying the same things for your friends.

Finding the Words

Finding the Words
Week 2; Day 3 Wednesday

What keeps us from saying what we really feel to those we love? If we are afraid, what are we afraid of? What are some of the barriers that keep us from expressing what is really in our hearts? How can we remove them?

I’m sure you know the feeling. The love is there- you may even rehearse what you are going to say- but when you open your mouth in the person’s presence something else comes out, or in some cases, nothing at all. You might even notice yourself doing or saying exactly the opposite of what you really want.

We are all victims of the patterns that have formed in our lives and relationships- well-worn grooves into which we fall without trying. And maybe that’s part of the problem right there: we aren’t trying. These patterns can become so deep; it takes something earth-shattering to force us out of them. This change of perspective is precisely the by-product of living like you were dying, like you had only 30 days to live.

If you were dying, you would find it easier to say the things you always wanted to say to your loved ones. In the Old Testament, when Jacob was about to die, he called his sons together. “these are the blessings with which Jacob blessed his twelve sons. Each received a blessing that was appropriate to him” (Genesis 49:28 NLT).

What we’re talking about doing during these thirty days is changing the lens through which we see people. Don’t wait until you are on your deathbed to speak words of blessing.

Here are some ways you might do this. If it’s a spouse, remember the one you married- the wife/husband of your youth. Recall why you loved them in the first place and reattach yourself to that love. If it’s a child or sibling, remember their best qualities. See them as you would see them from your deathbed and bless them for who they are. If it’s a parent, regardless of how they may have failed you, they gave you the gift of life and for that you can be eternally grateful. Remember they have had their own struggles in life, some of which you may never understand, because they lived in a different time and place.

Don’t be shy. Speak what’s in your heart; this may be your last chance to let someone know. Don’t leave your loved ones wondering if you loved them just because you didn’t have the chance to tell them. Tell them now.

When it comes to speaking your heart, there is no better time than the present. And if you can’t express what you really want to say, try living like you only had thirty days to live.

1. What are some of your barriers to speaking sweeter to those you love?
2. Ironically we usually experience the greatest barriers to expressing our true feelings with the ones we know the best. Think about that person in light of what you would say to them if you were dying. Write it down if you need to, then commit yourself to saying it soon . . . TODAY.
3. One of the most powerful ways to speak sweeter is through writing a letter. Consider taking the time to write a “love letter” to somebody you care about deeply.

A Kind Word

A Kind Word
Week 2; Day 2 Tuesday

“Kind words are like honey- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” (Proverbs 16:24 NLT).

My neighbor walked out of her house the other morning looking like she had the world on her shoulders. All the way to her car, her gaze was fixed on the ground and I could see the furrows on her brow from across the street. She was so set on her moody thoughts that she didn’t see me pacing in front of my house cooling down from a morning jog. My neighbor does a good deal of traveling, so I really meant it when I yelled over to her, “Hi Doris! It’s so nice to see you around these days!”

Well you wouldn’t believe the change in countenance that swept instantly over her face. I’ve never seen anything like it- such a dramatic change. I could almost read her thoughts. It was as if she were saying “You words are so much better than what I was just thinking about. I think I’ll choose your version of this moment right now over mine!”

We underestimate the difference we can make in someone’s life, even a stranger’s, with a kind word. We live such isolated lives these days behind invisible walls. We walk by each other on the street, stand next to each other in the elevator, wash our hands beside each other in the restroom without a word or even an acknowledgement that the other exists. So many people are afraid, trapped in their own private loneliness. This isolation presents an incredible opportunity for those of us who are followers of Christ. There’s enough time left to overcome that fear and to reach out to someone with a smile and a kind word.

Yes, even a smile can do it. When you smile at someone you are saying, “I see you there. Whoever you are, and whatever you are going through, you are worth noticing.” Try it and watch people light up.

John Kevin Hines is one of a handful of people who have survived an attempted suicide jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. He claims to have told himself that if any one of the hundreds of people he rubbed shoulders with on the way to the bridge noticed he was distraught, and asked him what was wrong, he wouldn’t jump. That’s all it would have taken- another human acknowledging his existence. No one did. On his way down he literally got a hold of his life and asked God for a second chance, which is miraculously what he got, or he never would have heard how he was a smile away from death.

It doesn’t take much. Just a few simple words to my neighbor that morning actually changed her countenance and outlook. And, I can’t help but believe that the smile on her face lasted at least a few blocks down the road. Who knows, it might have just altered her whole day.

1. Think back to an occasion when someone spoke words of encouragement to you just at the time you needed them. What difference did it make in your life?
2. Is there someone you see regularly whose life you could affect by a kind word or two?
3. Make it your goal to make eye contact with people you pass throughout the day and acknowledge their existence. And say a kind word to those you see regularly like store clerks, bank tellers, waiters, or neighbors.

The Tongue Is A Fire

The Tongue Is a Fire
Week 2; Day 1 Monday

Have you ever had words come out of your mouth that you wished you could take back even as you spoke them? You let anger get the best of you and yelled at your kid even though you knew you were taking your frustrations out on him. Or you fell trapped in a corner and lashed out at your husband or roommate. When frustration and anger are held inside, they build in intensity until they have nowhere to go but and explosion at the nearest, often unsuspecting person. It can be your spouse or a total stranger. It can be your dog or cat, for that matter!

The Bible says: “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body” (James 3:5-6). Our words can do incredible damage.

They can abuse. They can tear down one’s self-esteem. They can divide a knife through someone’s heart. Used over and over to wear someone down, they can ruin an entire life.

Words can also do incredible good. They can make a person feel like a million bucks. They can give someone hope. They can give someone courage. They can make someone feel loved and valued. All of this simply by the words we speak. But words don’t come out of a vacuum, either. Jesus taught that what we say begins in the heart.

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45).

If we are going to speak sweeter, then the work has to start inside. Bring those angry and hurtful things to the Lord. Get mad at him if you need to; he can handle it. Let him replace negative influences with his love and acceptance. Focus on the fruits of the Spirit which are . . . “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). These are the qualities the Spirit of God is already developing in you, and you can call upon them as needed. These are also the qualities that will sweeten your speech.

As you seek to speak sweeter, here are some practical things to help you.

1. Try not to be reactive. Many of our most damaging words come as knee-jerk reactions to being hurt or wounded.
2. Pause . . . take sixty seconds. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Learn to think first before you speak. The damage is done when our emotions take a shortcut by our brain and go straight to our tongue. Practice putting some separation between your emotions and your words. If you need a time out, take it. Time outs aren’t just for kids and ball players, you know.
3. Listen, observe, and discover. Find out the words that make those you live with and love feel treasured and valued. Remember, you don’t have much time. Say it, instead of wishing you’d said it when it’s too late.